selfcomposure: work is fucking kicking my ass i’m exhausted
shavingryansprivates: there is nothing wrong with asking for help
brandnewswastikas: I like it when a girl has a food stain on her shirt because it means that she’s bad with spoons and will probably need me to feed her and I’m good with spoons so it will give me a chance to show off a little.
shavingryansprivates: *waits for football season to start*
Anonymous asked: what happened last night?
Anonymous asked: last time you had sex?
turtwink: yabba dabba done with ur shit
Holy shit, last night was just wow!
lolyoureabitch: HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO MAKE LIFE CHOICES I STILL COUNT USING MY FINGERS AND I SING THE WHOLE ALPHABET TO SEE WHAT LETTER COMES NEXT I STILL HOLD UP BOTH HANDS AND MAKE AN L SHAPE TO REMIND MYSELF OF LEFT AND RIGHT I STILL HAVE TO THINK OF AN ALLIGATOR EATING THE BIGGER NUMBER TO USE THE < AND > SYMBOLS.
some bitch: omg you wore that shirt the other day
me: yeah well in my house we have this amazing thing called a washing machine
elphabaforpresidentofgallifrey: 3-2-1queer: When I was in fifth grade I realized I liked girls but I was like “that’s a problem for another day” and literally forgot about it and then in like eleventh grade I was like “oh my god” YOU PROCRASTINATED REALIZING YOUR SEXUALITY THAT’S IT YOU WIN YOU ARE THE QUEEN OF THE PROCRASTINATORS i bow to you
theyellowbrickroad: i want to go on a fucking adventure this summer you know make some memories do some wild things but ill probably just lay in bed and eat mcdonalds and watch netflix but hey its fun to pretend ill actually do something
slenclerman: reasons to date me: -i can pick stuff up with my feet sometimes -ive never killed a man (yet) -i once got 95% on guitar hero -you can play with my hair -im cheaper than a puppy
A girl who’s too skinny is definitely a turn off…
puffpuffpeace: whorville: I have bullshitted my way through almost two decades of life for me its exactly 2 decades
hannahetaylor: My little sister is getting made fun of at school because she’s adopted. This is what she responded with “Well, my parents chose me. Your parents are stuck with you.”
loxyclean: ifyoucarryonthisway: i feel like mr. brightside is one of those songs you’re gonna hear on the radio in the car 20 years from now after not hearing it in forever and your gonna just start sobbing bUT ITS JUST THE PRICE I PAY DESTINY IS CALLLLINGNG M E and your kids are gonna be like is she okay I already do it
ghosteh13: voice-of-tartarus: demeaniac: what if with our first clot of air when we are born we inhale a soul, and every time we breathe out, we squeeze a tiny part of our souls out. would our final breath actually be the very last soul fragment leaving our bodies? Woah woah wait you know those things that say “you become like the 5 people you hang out with the most” that would explain...
I’m you’re last image before you’re last breath